May 28, 2013
When Do You Know if Placing Your Baby for Adoption is Right for you?
This is a question that comes up from both in and outside the adoption world. How do you make the decision to place your child for adoption, and when do you know it’s the right choice for you? This, of course, is different for every birth mother and birth family. You may know right away, or you may not know until you bring your child home. Regardless of when, how do you truly know? And what signs should you be paying attention to along the way?
1. Finding out you’re pregnant
Some women know right away, the moment they find out they’re pregnant. They may have never thought about it before, or they may have already made peace with the fact that, in the event of an unplanned pregnancy, they would choose adoption. For others, it may take you a bit of time to explore options. The concept of adoption is widely known, but the intricacies are not. You may not have thought about what adoption would mean for you until you took the time to research it, which you may not have chosen to do until you became pregnant. If your instinct, right away upon learning that you are pregnant, is to place the baby for adoption, that does not mean that you are a bad mother, a bad person or that you are locked into that thought forever. Do some research. If you’re comfortable talking with your partner, a doctor or an adoption specialist, do that. Ask questions. Your adoption process begins when you want it to begin, and there is no harm or foul in gathering as much information as possible before.
2. Midway through pregnancy
Perhaps you originally fully intended on having the baby, but midway through are experiencing second thoughts. Perhaps you went as far as to meet with an agency, explore prospective adoptive parents, and even narrow it down to a few couples. For many, the decision to adopt becomes more fully formed when they are able to grasp the idea of who would be parenting their child. When thinking about placing your child for adoption, of course it is incredibly overwhelming to think about picking someone to be your child’s family for the rest of their life. But for many mothers, once they are faced with an adoptive family who they trust, respect and who match the values of how they want their child to be raised, it becomes much more clear. Actualizing the adoption plan helps to solidify the concept of adoption, and to help make the birth mother more comfortable about choosing adoption for her child.
3. At the hospital
A birth mother may go through her entire pregnancy and not know until the child is born that adoption is the best route for her. There is no shame in this. When a child is born, the reality of parenting that child becomes more real, more finite than perhaps it was throughout the pregnancy. Being faced with that, especially if you have been having doubts, can be overwhelming, but also illuminating. If this is when you decide, it is not too late. Be open with your nurse or doctor, tell them that you’d like place the child for adoption and they can help guide you in the right direction to ensure that you have the support and knowledge you need to make the best decision for both you and your child.
4. Once the baby has been brought home
If you’ve had the baby and you’re still thinking about an adoption plan but haven’t been able to make a concrete decision, there is nothing to stop you from waiting until the baby has been born, or even after you’ve brought it home. If you feel like bringing the baby home would be too difficult for you, there are other options for taking care of the baby until you’ve made your decision, and the hospital can help you decide which of those are best for you. You deserve all the time and space you need to decide what’s best for you, and that time is still available even if you’ve brought the baby home.
There is no right or wrong time or situation for deciding that adoption is the right choice for you. It can happen during any stage of the pregnancy, even after the baby is born, and no matter what, it is most important that you allow yourself the resources to make the best decision possible for you and your baby, whatever that may be. If you’re considering an adoption, please feel free to give us a call at any point during your pregnancy or post-birth. 866.910.5615. Calling us and speaking with a specialist does not lock you into adoption – it simply provides you with the tools you need to make the best decision for you.
