June 05, 2017

Tips for Talking With Your Children About Racism

Whether or not you’ve adopted a child from another culture, racism is a challenging and necessary topic to address with children. If it’s not present in school, it’s in the news, in literature, on the television, walking the streets. And it’s sensitive to discuss. We advocate for giving children the tools and confidence to stand up for who they are—as well as to stand up for others who may need their support—and to understand that if they do encounter racist remarks, it’s because of ignorance, not truth.

Here are a few thoughts about how to get the conversation started.

Talk to your children about differences. Differences are wonderful! How boring would the world be if we all looked the same? If your child has questions about why people are different—why someone has white vs. brown skin, curly vs. straight hair—use that as a moment to teach rather than shush. We are a world composed of unique and varied cultures. The more we talk with our children about why people are so different, the more they understand what diversity is and how to discuss it with others.

Show your support. Let your child know that you’re there to talk if they encounter any sort of racism at school or out in the world. It’s a confusing, frustrating, intense, emotional experience to be bullied because of race, and while, unfortunately, you can’t stop your child from experiencing it, you can build a culture of communication at home so your child is comfortable expressing and sharing their feelings.

Educate. Becoming a transracial family may expose outside family members to race in a whole new way, and people get very awkward dancing around topics they don’t feel they have the right language for. Part of your role as a parent, is to stand up for your child and to educate the people in their life about what’s appropriate to say and what’s not. This doesn’t mean you have to lead with defensiveness, but if you hear someone in your family using racial stereotypes—positive or negative—cut it at the quick. Let them know that you don’t say things like that to your child, and why comments like that are damaging. Making assumptions about a child’s skills, talents or personality simply because of the color of their skin or cultural heritage is limiting and damaging.  Unless the comments are meant to be hurtful, you don’t have to lead with anger. Education is about spreading awareness, and calm discussion fuels a stronger, more compassionate dialogue.

Read them books that discuss race. The majority of children’s books are written and illustrated from a white perspective. But diversity in children’s literature is a topic gaining speed and awareness, and there are more books than ever representing different cultures, as well as teaching children how to understand and express the differences in those around them. Reading is a beautiful way to not only spend time with children, but to open them up to new worlds, experiences, and adventures.