March 13, 2015
Talking with your family and children about racism
If you’re part of a transracial family, one thing that will definitely come up at some point is racism. It’s a tough situation, because it’s something that you want to prepare your child for, but not necessarily harp on as being something absolute that will happen. Even if that’s the case, it’s not the most positive way to approach the situation. It’s better to focus on giving your child the tools and confidence to stand up for who they are, and understand that if they do encounter racist remarks, it’s because of ignorance, not truth.
- Talk to your children about differences. Differences are wonderful! How boring would the world be if we all looked the same? If your child has questions about why people are different — why someone has white vs. brown skin, curly vs. straight hair — use that as a moment to teach rather than shush. The more we talk with our children about why people are so different, and that we are a world made up of many unique cultures, the more they understand what diversity is and how to discuss it with others.
- Show your support. Let your child know that you’re there to talk if they encounter any sort of racism at school or out in the world. It’s a confusing, frustrating, deeply emotional experience to be bullied because of race, and while you can’t necessarily stop that from happening (unfortunately), what you can do is build a culture of communication at home where your child is comfortable expressing and sharing their feelings.
- Educate. Becoming a transracial family may expose outside family members to race in a whole new way, and people can get very awkward dancing around topics they don’t feel they have the right language for. Part of your role now, as a parent, is to stand up for your child and to educate the people in their life about what’s an appropriate thing to say and what’s not. This doesn’t mean you have to lead with defensiveness, but if you hear someone in your family using racial stereotypes — positive or negative — cut it at the quick. Let them know that you don’t say things like that to your child, and why comments like that are damaging. Making assumptions about a child’s skills, talents or personality simply because of the color of their skin or cultural heritage is limiting and damaging. It doesn’t give them the freedom to organically be who they are, and rather assumes that they must be some way because they are black, Chinese, Latino, etc. Unless the comments are meant to be hurtful, you don’t have to lead with anger. Education is about spreading awareness, and calm discussion fuels a stronger, more compassionate dialogue.
