August 01, 2017
Talking to Your Child’s Teacher About Adoption
Can you believe it’s August already? We still have a month of summer left, but the season feels like it’s flown by, and we’re seeing back-to-school marketing everywhere. This is a very exciting and anticipatory time of year—especially for adoptive parents of elementary school children. There are so many assignments that revolve around the family, and they tend to make assumptions about how families are formed and where children come from. It’s a learning moment, for sure, but it also puts kids and parents in the position of having to field certain questions, and anticipate how adoption may come up throughout the school year.
As a parent, you may worry: how will my child(ren) get treated? What will happen when the inevitable school project involving a family tree gets assigned? Will their teacher know how to address and work with adopted kids in a way that is sensitive, respectful, and doesn’t make them feel singled out?
Having a solid plan for how to address these concerns will go a long way, not only to prepare your child, but to prepare your child’s teacher. It is a wonderful opportunity to bring adoption education and awareness into the classroom, and to ease your child into having conversations about adoption with others. Here are a few tips for making this process go as smoothly and positively as possible.
Reach out to your child’s teacher before the school year starts. This is going to solve a lot of problems. Being able to introduce yourself, to have a conversation with your child’s teacher and fully express questions and concerns will alleviate a great deal of stress. It will also give your child’s teacher a valuable opportunity to explore any questions or concerns they may have. This could very well be their first time teaching an adopted child, or addressing adoption as part of their curriculum, and your heads up gives them a powerful opportunity to make a lasting impact.
Go over any potentially problematic school assignments. Will there be any assignments this year that involve family, lineage, or heritage? If so, talk with your child’s teacher about how to make it an educational experience for everyone, as well as a safe space for your child to explore these topics and to succeed in the project on their own terms.
Offer to come in and give a lesson about adoption. This may not be your thing, or this could be totally up your alley. Either way, it is a wonderful opportunity to support your child, to provide a more detailed educational experience about adoption, and to add a rich and valuable lesson to your child’s curriculum.
Have a conversation with your child. Part of making your child feel safe at school is creating a safe space for them at home as well. If adoption has never come up before at school, it’s a good idea to have a conversation with them about how it may arise in the upcoming school year. What are their concerns? Is there anything that makes them nervous? What are they comfortable discussing and not discussing? Let them know they can always come to you if anything makes them uncomfortable, and that they don’t have to do or talk about anything they don’t want to. Perhaps even come up with some helpful ways for them to respond to questions that make them uncomfortable. Conversations like this will allow you and your child to set boundaries you are both comfortable with, while giving them the tools to stand up for themselves and to feel confident in who they are.
