February 19, 2018

Relieving Homestudy Anxiety

No matter how much you prepare for your homestudy, it can be tough not to feel anxious about it. You’ve got someone in your home going through your life in intricate detail, and it can feel like the entire situation is designed to judge you.  It isn’t, we promise, but it still can be very stressful!

We’ve written before about how to prepare for the homestudy, but this is really about calming the nerves once all the preparation is in place. Finding a place of relaxation and focus so you can authentically be yourself during your homestudy, and not go crazy in the process.

So, remember…

1. Your social worker wants you to adopt. There is a massive number of children without homes in this country, and those who truly want to adopt and parent a child are admired and in high demand. As long as your intentions for becoming a parent are genuine, there is no one who doesn’t want you to succeed. Your social worker wants you to feel as supported as your adoption agency and legal team. At the end of the day (even though it’s scary) they are on your side. It can be easy to forget that, or to go into the homestudy feeling like everyone is waiting for you to do something “wrong.” That’s simply not the case.

2. You don’t have to wait for information to be sprung on you. Want to know what your social worker is looking for? Ask them! Keep the channels of communication as open as possible—it is the easiest way to feel calm and prepared. No one wants to set you up for failure. So if you want to make sure you have all your ducks in a row, spend some time with your social worker inquiring what they’ll have an eye on. It completely alleviates the stress of the unknown.

3. Don’t over-apologize. This is the absolute truth: if you are seeking to bring a child in need into your home, to commit to being their parent for a lifetime and love them unconditionally, you have done nothing wrong. Nothing at all. Apologies are for when we’ve done something wrong. Promise yourself you won’t get sucked into the shame spiral of over-apologizing for things you have no control over (like the weather).

4. Surround yourself with things that calm you. Music, a favorite scented candle, a warm of mug tea, cookies (if you bake). This is your home and you’re representing the way you like to live to your social worker. Not the way you think they want you to live, because that won’t feel authentic. Bring your favorite cozy elements into your home! It will be more relaxing for you, and feel more genuine to your social worker.

5. Plan something pleasant for afterwards. CONGRATULATIONS! You have just completed a stressful and much-anticipated aspect of the adoption process. This is huge and you should be incredibly proud. Give yourself something to look forward to afterwards—a date with your spouse, a movie, a gathering with friends and family. This process is filled with moments that deserve love, support, and celebration, and the homestudy is one of them. You deserve it.