July 12, 2016
Offering Support to the Birth Mother in Your Life
Being a birth mother is an incredibly difficult, courageous, bold, deeply emotional reality. Placing your child for adoption is an unbelievably tough decision, and the emotional effects live long after placement. They never really go away, actually.
If you know a birth mother in your life, or are close to your child’s, you’ve probably seen them go through so many things — from happiness at the life you’re able to give their child to insatiable grief that they aren’t parenting their child themselves. This process is natural, and more than anything they need support, love, and compassion.
So if you have a birth mother in your life who’s going through a tough time, how can you help them out?
Listen. There aren’t answers to a birth mother’s sadness. There isn’t a magical way to make them feel better and take their pain away. But you can give them a safe space to talk, cry, scream, question, and process. That level of compassion leaves an indelible impact, and lets her know she’s not alone.
Check in. Reaching out daily with a text, a friendly email, or perhaps drop-by with a soothing tea or cup of coffee. It’s easy to go days thinking no one cares, or that people don’t realize the depth of the pain. Having someone in your life who makes an effort and shows they’re thinking of you goes a million miles. To be reminded each day that you’re not alone is a gift so many don’t receive. Small gestures often go farther than grand, sweeping ones.
Plan a distraction. When we’re in the thick of depression, distraction is key. It could be a movie, dinner reservations at a new restaurant, a walk in a scenic park, or sitting outside somewhere and enjoying the summer sunshine — having something new, fresh, different to look forward to is so energizing. It also reminds them how powerful it can be to get out and do something for themselves.
Connect them with new people. We all need new friends! And the older we get, the harder they are to make. Introduce the birth mother in your life to someone you think they’d get along with. Plan a coffee date as an introduction, or host a regular gathering like a cookbook club, book club, or dinner party night. Community is key!
Above all, lead with love and keep your heart open. What she’s going through isn’t easy, and your acknowledgement of that will mean the world.
