April 23, 2013

Mother’s Day for Birth Mothers

In the adoption world, Mother’s Day is a holiday fraught with all sorts of emotions. For adoptive mothers, it’s the chance to celebrate a dream come true, their family and all they endured to become a mother. For birth mothers, this day might feel less sweet, more bitter sweet. But it doesn’t have to go uncelebrated. Depending on the relationship you have with your birth mother, Mother’s Day is a wonderful way to commemorate the gift of motherhood you two share, however different it may be. Some adoptive mothers wonder what is the appropriate way to celebrate Mother’s Day for their birth mother. Of course, it all depends on how close you two are and the level of contact you decided on, but here are some lovely, thoughtful options that will let your birth mother know you are thinking of and appreciate her on Mother’s Day.

1. A simple note from you, or even you and your child. Who doesn’t love a handwritten card? A personally chosen card, a kind note and perhaps even a drawing or note from your child would mean the world. It is true that the simplest of gestures often ring the strongest. There is no need to go overboard in sharing your sentiment.

2. An “intial” gift. If you’re closer to your child’s birth mother, you may want to get her a small gift. A small necklace or bracelet with your child’s initial engraved is not only personal, but shows your birth mother that you recognize her place in your child’s life and want to give her something that represents her connection to your child.

3. A shared dinner. Some birth mothers have a very close relationship with the adoptive family, leading to shared family outings and close connections with the children. If this is your family, why not have a shared Mother’s Day meal or brunch? When it comes to celebrating, the more is always the merrier.

4. Have your child make something. If your child is aware of their birth mother and wants to help her celebrate Mother’s Day, why not have them make something special? They could write a short poem, draw a picture, paint something or transition their current favorite DIY or craft project into something special for their birth mother. Nothing beats a homemade gift from your child. Nothing.

5. A photo album. Some birth mothers only want letters and photos from their adoptive families, and Mother’s Day is a special time to up the ante a bit by putting together a photo album of recent photos of your child. If you and your child do not keep in especially close contact with your birth mother, try to focus the photos more around individual shots of your child, rather than family shots. As always, ones that show your child happy, well and thriving are better than ones that incorporate the whole family, which are more likely to make her feel left out.

If you have no contact with your birth mother, than this is a day for you to celebrate all on your own, perhaps just giving a silent nod out there to someone who made a very brave choice for the sake of a child. Mothers come in all forms, and this special holiday is the perfect day to keep that in perspective.