July 02, 2013
Loving and Describing Your Child…As An Individual
We stumbled upon this list of “300 Ways to Describe Your Child” from the Natural Parents Network, and not only do we love the list of words they’ve come up with but we’re also very inspired by the ultimate message, which is how to diversify the way you show and communicate love to your child.
It’s easy to standardize the way we judge certain values and assets of people, especially children. Be it intelligence, goodness, skill, talent, sociability – often times, these qualities are measured in an overarching way rather than being specifically tailored to a child’s individual gifts and development. What this list shows us is the multitude of ways a child can be described, outside of normal descriptors like “funny, smart, athletic, musical, talented.” Furthermore, it reminds us that our children are far more multi-dimensional than we may give them credit for.
Not only is it important to be able to uniquely describe your child, but we also need to learn to engage our child’s individual interests in ways outside the norm. This means lauding them for who they are, and not what they’re doing in comparison to other children. Here’s a small list of ways in which you can key into your child’s individuality, which will better allow you to support and encourage the endeavors that make them uniquely, and perfectly, who they are.
1. School grades can, and should, be interpreted on a case-by-case basis. Some children excel at all academics, some do not. Some are english wizards who can barely grasp basic geometry, others can effortlessly solve the most difficult of algorithms while failing miserably at trying to learn a new language. The important part here is that you look at your child’s intellectual gifts for what they are and nourish them based on their individual skill set. An A+ in english can be the same level of achievement as a C in math depending on your child’s abilities, and it’s important to congratulate them in the areas in which they do well, and guide them through the areas in which they are challenged without passing judgment either way.
2. Extracurriculars. All extracurriculars are not created equal. You may have a musical child who can’t carry a tune on one instrument, but has a fabulous singing voice. Or maybe a child who can’t run a mile but has excellent dribbling skills. It’s not about getting your child involved in everything, or tapping them as the “musical” one or the “athletic” one, it’s about finding where their true talent really lies and giving them all the tools possible to pursue that to their fullest potential. One big success will do so much more for your child than a handful of mediocre endeavors that they aren’t as passionate about.
3. Differentiate your children. It is so easy for siblings to be compared to one another, and this can be damaging. Just because children are siblings, it does not mean that they share the same skill set or personality or emotions or drive. In talking with your children, or discussing them to others, it is important that they are not compared to other siblings or family members. Let their accomplishments be their own – it’s not their job to be as good at something as everyone else. It’s their job to reach their own potential in the way that best facilitates them.
4. Time spent. The time you spend with your children is so much more valuable than words or gifts or material items. It’s about hugs, and kisses and reinforcing that you will be emotionally there for them by being physically there for them. They need to feel that they can count on you and that you will be there for them no matter what, and that means supporting their endeavors and interests with your time as much as your words. Hugs, kisses, cuddles and attendance at games and events go a long way with a lasting impact. And it has a huge influence on your child’s self confidence, by making them feel supported for who they are. Which is truly the most important thing of all.
