July 16, 2015

How to Support New Adoptive Parents

Adoption is more popular than ever, but it’s still not entirely understood. Its own culture on many levels, the process and emotions surrounding it are foreign to many. Which can leave adoptive parents feeling stranded and alone in their journey, no matter how supportive their community is. If you have new or prospective adoptive parents in your lives, here are some tips for small yet powerful ways to show your support.

1. Be comfortable with listening. There are so many emotions that go along with the adoption process. The financials, the risk, the waiting game, the journey that brought them to adoption. The adoptive parents in your life are likely stressed, worried, nervous, and emotional. As much as you love them, it’s not your job to solve their problems or try and make them “feel normal.” Be an ear. Listen. Support silently, but with compassion. This will mean the world.

2. Throw an adoption shower! When it comes to new parenting, everyone needs the support of their community. Gather people together, throw a shower, treat them like normal parents! They are. Just as nervous, and scared, and anxious as anyone else about to welcome a little one into their lives.

3. Once the baby arrives, give them some space. This is a huge moment, and it took time for them to finally get to this place. Beyond waiting to get match and finalizing the legals, if they adopted from another state, they’ve been in limbo somewhere that’s not their home, adjusting to their new normal in a world that’s anything but. When they come home they will likely be craving space to spend time together as a new family. Mindful distance means the world.

4. Don’t try to compare their experience to anything. Adopting is not like pregnancy, and it’s not a substitute for pregnancy. There’s no need to make comparisons to the two, or to try and make comparisons to anything at all. Their experience is unique, personal, entirely their own. Be present with them in this moment and let that be enough.

5. Use positive adoption language. Words and phrases that negatively frame adoption are insensitive and isolating. Here’s a newsletter of ours that explains the difference between positive and negative adoption language. Using the correct language is a kind, empathetic gesture that shows your love and support.