March 28, 2018
How To Stay Present As A Working Parent
If you’re in the middle of your adoption process, one question that may come up is, “how am I going to balance work and parenting?” It’s not uncommon for working parents to experience a lot of guilt, and this is so unfair. Parents work for all sorts of reasons. Maybe you’re absolutely in love with your career and can’t imagine life any other way. Maybe, quite frankly, it’s not a choice. It takes money to run a family, and no one should ever feel guilt or shame for doing what they need (or want!) to do to contribute to their household. And you also shouldn’t doubt your ability to be a fantastic parent and a brilliant working professional. Here are a few tips to help you strike the right balance.
Have a conversation with your employer — before your child arrives. Expectation setting is key. If you have a partner or spouse, work with them to create a plan — who picks up and who drops off, who is home at which time on which days — and then negotiate that plan with your employer. Whether it’s adding a few work-from-home days into your week (not feasible for all companies, we know, but you’d be surprised how many are amenable if you ask) or setting a hard stop of 5pm each day, a firm plan puts everyone on the same page so no one feels surprised or let down — including you.
Set designated days/times for family time. Put these into your calendar and make them a hard and fast rule. It helps keep you from over-programming with social events, and it manages the expectations of your entire family. Keep in mind, the notion of family time will change as your child grows up and gets involved in extracurriculars — their activities, games, rehearsals, and after-school clubs will impact the week. Setting non-negotiable time for your family keeps you from having to find it week to week.
Don’t multi-task time with your children. When you are spending time with your children, be as present as possible. Spend that time with them and only them, make it high quality, and don’t allow yourself to get caught up in other distractions (we know it’s hard!) When you’re a working parent quality time with your children is at a premium. The more present you are when you do get precious moments together, the more it will mean to both of you.
Build in time for you. Sounds a little counterintuitive doesn’t it — how does building in time for just you allow you to be more present with your kids? Because if you feel for strapped for time in taking care of yourself, overly exhausted, or just plain burned out, you aren’t going to have a lot to offer your kids. And they’re going to feel that. It is one of the hardest things to do as a parent, to understand when you need to take a step back and give yourself something you really need, but it makes a world of difference in the energy you bring to your children and your overall happiness level. Never discount how your mental health is the top priority. It is fundamental to being a present, supportive, and nurturing parent.
