May 09, 2018

Honoring Waiting Adoptive Mothers on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day can be an excruciatingly painful holiday. On one hand, it’s a celebration for beloved mothers, women who’ve been fortunate enough to become parents. But on the other hand, there are so many women grieving the motherhood they hope to have, mothers they’ve lost, or a relationship with a mother that leaves much to be desired. And then there are those in waiting. Hopeful adoptive mothers who are in the middle of their adoption process, and either aren’t matched or are waiting for the ultimate finalization.

When you’re an adoptive-parent-in-waiting, these kinds of holidays can feel extremely isolating. You’re desperate to become a parent, it’s a role you crave, and you may be grieving loss in your past that brought you to this place. But there’s no child yet, so you’re often alone in these painful feelings.

If you have a waiting adoptive mother in your life, there are ways to acknowledge her on Mother’s Day — just as you would a pregnant woman who hasn’t yet given birth.

It’s not about going over the top or distracting them from their pending adoption, it’s about honoring the fact that by beginning the adoption process they have  begun their journey into parenthood. The commitment has been made, the process has started, and a child is on the way. It’s just a different timeline than what we’re traditionally used to.

This Mother’s Day, you can honor the adoptive-mothers-to-be in your life in many special ways:

• Take her out for coffee or a cocktail around Mother’s Day. Create space to honor what she’s going through right now, whether it’s excitement, pain, concern, or joy. Depending on where she is in her process, the emotions could be many!
• Don’t focus on saying the right thing. Acknowledge that maybe you have no clue what to say, but that you’re here to listen. So many compensate for not knowing what to say by over-talking, or making judgments and assumptions. Keeping quiet and giving her the floor will mean the world.
• Pop over to her house with some flowers, a sweet treat she likes, or her favorite bottle of wine. A friendly face and a small but thoughtful gift gives her company and something to enjoy throughout the weekend. Double win!
• Drop her a line. She may not want to talk on the phone, but reaching out beyond email or text shows that you’re thinking of her and willing to talk about what she’s going through. Many people back off when they feel awkward about a situation, so standing up and being her friend will make a big impact.

You have the power to be a huge bright spot in what could be a painful or stressful weekend. Small, sweet, thoughtful gestures will make a radiant impact.