September 17, 2020

Exploring Gender With Your Child

Language around gender has shifted in recent years. In 2013, the American Psychiatric Association removed the diagnosis of “Gender Identity Disorder” and replaced it with “Gender Dysphoria.” The APA defines this as: “People with gender dysphoria may be very uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned, sometimes described as being uncomfortable with their body (particularly developments during puberty) or being uncomfortable with the expected roles of their assigned gender.”

While more and more people are opening up about their journey with gender, there is still strong resistance to this conversation—especially when it involves a child. 

Sexuality and identity are two different things. Gender identity—whether an individual identifies as male, female, or nonbinary—is not directly related to sexual orientation—the gender to which someone is attracted. The idea of a child making realizations about gender can be uncomfortable or difficult for some people to understand. If your child starts to express feelings about not feeling right in their body or identifying as a gender different from the one assigned at birth, it’s a powerful opportunity to lead with love, support, and openness. 

If your child starts making comments about their identity, it’s best to begin conversations immediately and collaborate with professionals who can help your child articulate their thoughts and feelings and safely process their experience. This experience can be incredibly traumatizing for those without a safe support network.  According to the most recent National Transgender Discrimination Survey, nearly 45% of transgender people ages 18-24 have attempted suicide. Early intervention saves lives. It will also help you better understand your child and learn how to have a responsible dialogue with them. 

This journey is lifelong and encompasses more than just physical transformation. It involves tough conversations with family members, public disapproval and discrimination, and a total re-shaping of identity. Any loved ones in your life enduring your experience will be transformed by your love, kindness, and support. 

To learn more about what it means to be transgender, or to explore resources for supporting your child, visit these excellent and honest communities:

• TransYouth Family Allies
• Gender Blog by Darlene Tando, LCSW
• GLAAD Media Reference Guide — Transgender Issues

Be kind to one another.