Reactive Attachment Disorder is a behavioral condition in which a child has difficulty attaching themselves to a parent or caregiver. It’s a devastating disorder for parents to endure because it can feel so hopeless. You are doing everything you can to nurture and love your child, while feeling and being treated like a total enemy. This disorder is rare but it can occur in adopted children who may feel damaged or traumatized by their relationship with their birth mother, or who find it difficult in general to attach themselves to their adopted parents. It can begin as immediately as infancy, and extend on into childhood. So how do you know if your child has Reactive Attachment Disorder?
1. Withdrawal. Is your child withdrawn or listless? Do they reach out to you for nurturing? How do they respond to your attempts to soothe or support them? Signs of withdrawal could include not returning hugs, not responding to touch, not seeking comfort, not responding when you try to comfort them, not smiling or showing signs of happiness. Not cooing, or making any sounds, can also be a sign in babies.
2. Seclusion. Does your child stay away from social situations, preferring to watch from the sidelines rather than to jump in and interact? Do they not want to play games, or fail to respond when you reach out and attempt to play interactive games with them — peek-a-boo, clapping hands, or any game that involves touch? Do they not ask for help, or respond when you try to give them help?
3. Failure to connect. Does your child respond to eye contact, or fail to make eye contact? Do they reject your efforts to connect? Do they cry inconsolably, but then not respond to you when you try to comfort them, or actively reject your attempts to comfort them?
If you notice that your child has any of these behaviors, or you have any concerns about how they’re attaching to you, we recommend calling your pediatrician and asking them to recommend a specialist who can help you. Positive attachment can be formed, but we always recommend seeking professional help so you and your child have the support and resources you need to move through this challenging time. We like this article for helpful suggestions in dealing with a child who is exhibiting these symptoms, as well as how to foster a positive environment in the home. You don’t have to do it all on your own!
