February 25, 2013
Deciding on Adoption
Deciding whether or not to place your child for adoption is no easy feat. It involves an incredible amount of thought, and the bravery and foresight to see into your child’s future and what will be the right path towards giving them the best opportunity for a fulfilled, supported life. If you’re a birth mother, once you’ve made the decision to place your child for adoption it can be overwhelming to think of what happens next. Here is a list of steps to help you figure out where to go and what you need to do to move forward with your baby’s adoption plan.
1. If you know your child’s birth father, it’s best to contact him first. You will need him to consent to giving up his parental rights, so it’s best to have him on board at the beginning. Even if you cannot get him to respond, your attempts to contact him will be extremely helpful later on in your process. Any information you can get about his medical and family history are also incredibly important.
2. Find an agency. The adoption agency you choose is one of the most important steps in your adoption journey. They are the individuals who will guide you through the adoption process, give you access to birth mother counseling, help you find the perfect family for your child, provide you with legal counsel and help you transition into your life post-adoption. It is important that they are the right fit and that they make you feel comfortable and supported. When speaking with different agencies, ask as many questions as possible. You deserve answers and to feel good about your decision – do not accept anything less.
3. Devise a plan. There is no way to know exactly what you’re going to want or how you’re going to feel in terms of contact with the adoptive family once you’re baby is born, but it’s good to start thinking about this early. Will you want an open adoption, closed, monthly or annual contact? How important is it to you to receive pictures and letters throughout your baby’s life, and what kind of of a relationship do you want with your child’s adoptive family? The answers to these questions will help you find the family that’s a perfect fit for you. Do not worry about meeting or matching anyone’s expectations. This is about what you want for yourself and what you want out of an adoptive family. Be true to your needs and your agency will help match that in any way they can.
4. Take care of yourself. Part of wanting your child to have the best opportunity for a happy life is nurturing them throughout your pregnancy. Go to the doctor for regularly scheduled prenatal appointments, seek treatment for any drug or alcohol problems and know that any choices you make about your own health directly impact your child’s. This is also a good time to gather a medical history by yourself or from a doctor so you can provide your agency and the adoptive family with as much information about you and your baby’s health as possible.
5. Gather support. This is the most important step, without question. Your decision to place your child for adoption is difficult and brave, and you deserve every ounce of support from friends and family that you can get. It is in your very best interest to surround your adoption process with people who are positive, have your best interests at heart, and can nourish your decision to place your child for adoption. You deserve as much love from others as you are showing your baby by giving them a home where they can grow up happily and thrive. Be good to yourself and keep people in your life who want to be good to you, too.
