February 26, 2014
Carving Out One-On-One Time With Your Children
When you only have one child, it’s very easy to pay them all the attention you have. In fact, you might not understand how you could ever pay anything else attention again! And then your family grows by two, three, maybe even more, and suddenly it becomes more and more challenging to give each of your children the individual attention and focus they crave and deserve. While difficult, there are ways to bring a more concentrated focus into your children’s lives, and though it may seem like it requires a bit of strategy at first, eventually it will develop into something that you don’t even need to think about. And your children will be all the better for it. To help get you started here are some tips for bringing your relationship with your children back to a one-on-one level.
Interests. Each of your children has different interests, and as these interests probably relate to skills they have, these are passions that should be encouraged and fostered. This is also an excellent way of interacting with your child one-on-one. Do you have a budding Broadway star? Get them a ticket to a play for their birthday and turn it into a special date while your partner, or a babysitter, stays home with the other kids. Are you raising an athletic fiend? Find an afternoon where you can take them to a sports event. Even shopping trips for all that necessary gear can be made fun when it’s just you and your child…and the trip ends in ice cream. Try and take one moment each week where you and/or your spouse engage your children and the activities they’re interested in. This is an active, energizing space for them, and they’ll be thrilled to have your support for something they love.
How was your day? If you’re anything like us, this question is on auto-pilot and shoots out of your mouth the minute you pick up the kids or greet your spouse after work. Wouldn’t it be great if you took five minutes each day to sit individually with your kids to really ask them how their day was? You might get a little more out of them if they feel like they’re have a special conversation with you, and it shows that you’re really invested in how their time and feelings.
Snacks and treats. It can sometimes be impossible for a couple, let alone an entire family, to agree on where to eat. But what if you had one day a week that was designated to your child and they got to choose where you went to dinner, or what the after-school snack is, or even what kind of dessert you’ll have at home after your meal? Establishing this “power of choice” as a weekly routine gives something for your children to look forward to, and will (hopefully!) lessen any arguments that may arise because they’ll know that next week, it’s their turn too. Plus, it’s not often that kids get autonomy when it comes to what they eat. They’ll feel very special when allowed to make such a grown-up decision that the whole family has to follow!
Special days off. We know a mother who started a tradition with her four kids where she kept them home from school on their thirteenth birthday and they spent the day together doing whatever the birthday kid wanted to do. Not only did it build wonderful memories with her children, but her kids’s classmates thought it was exceptionally cool (and isn’t that what it’s all about?) Whether it’s a special day off or doing something like letting them skip a practice or rehearsal when they just feeling it that night — these little things show that you can actually have a little fun sometimes, and that you respect and value them enough to take their needs into account, or to do something completely off the cuff to make them feel more special. It’s a very adult feeling, and something that will make a big impact.
These, of course, are just a handful of ways to help create special moments for your children. But we’d love to hear from you! How do you divvy up individual one-on-one attention to your children?
