May 27, 2016
Building Your Support Network
The phrase “it takes a village” doesn’t come from sarcasm — it comes from the very authentic reality that in many cultures, the local community is considered family. People lean on one another for support, mothers aren’t expected to do it all perfectly by themselves, families stay close and help raise each other’s children. Parenting is a communal effort.
That’s the not the case in America.
Not only have the internet and social media launched exceedingly and increasingly judgmental attitudes toward parents of all kinds, but we expect American families and parents to emanate smooth perfection every minute of the day. Your children should behave perfectly in public, as a new mom you should still be able to keep up rigorous fitness and dietary routines, your children should never do anything wrong, ever, and everyone will be damned if you don’t get through the whole thing with a smile on your face.
But parenthood just isn’t like that. And it really can’t be done alone. We’re not talking about single parenthood here — we’re talking about ALL parents. You need to find your support network. The people who will swoop in and take your baby for 30 minutes so you can have a nap, the local restaurant that doesn’t mind if you bring your child in for dinner and still treats you respectfully, just so you and your partner can have a meal out once in a while and feel like normal people. The friend who will stop on by with a bottle of wine and sit in pajamas with you because it’s been days since you’ve had contact with another adult. People who understand, sympathize, empathize, and want to be there for you and your family.
Because no matter how perfect of a parent you want to be, you’re going to need it.
As you’re preparing for your adoption, think about your support network. Who are your people, your community, your village? Who will you call upon for support when you need it? Where are the women’s groups, mommy groups, new parenting groups, and bustling playgrounds in your area? Who will you have around you when you’re ready to admit that you need a bit of help, or would just like a break? Which is not only entirely okay, but expected.
We encourage you to think about your future self, that under-slept, over-exhausted human being who should never be expected to do it all, and make sure that part of your preparation for parenthood includes building the village who will stand by and offer their support. You deserve it.
