April 25, 2018

Are You Feeling Adoption Burnout?

We hear about burnout a lot these days. Job burnout, parenting burnout, media burnout. But what about adoption burnout? We don’t mean the joy of bringing your little one home, but how the stress of the adoption process can take a toll on your life.  Until your child arrives it’s easy to get caught up in the anxiety of the unknown, the hope that everything will go as planned, and the impact of what it truly means to prepare you, your spouse, and your life for the ins and outs of the adoption process. Not to mention, like parenting burnout, it’s a difficult thing to talk about. This is supposed to be a joyous time in your life — no one wants to address the fact that they feel stressed, or look like they’re complaining.

So how do you stave off the burnout?

1. Self-care is an absolute must. When we’re stressed we tend to put off the things that we most need: a good workout, a healthy home-cooked meal, quality time with a spouse, wine and a girl’s night. When you find yourself continuing to shove aside the things you really need because you’re focused on everything else — that’s when  you know it’s time to bring self-care back into focus. What makes you happy? What helps you reduce stress? Nail those things down and make sure you have time for at least one aspect of self-care every single day. The longer you go without, the more burned out and worn down you’ll feel.

2. Don’t focus on perfection. Especially when you’re a soon-to-be first time parent — every decision feels paramount. You will still be a good parent even if you don’t have everything you think you need when your baby arrives, or an object is out of place during your home study, or something doesn’t go as planned. That’s called life. You’re a real person, and no one — not your social worker, your child’s birth mother, your child, or your spouse — excepts you to be superhuman.

3. Keep your community close. When we’re feeling burned out it’s easy to feel isolated as well. That’s a dangerous combination, and it’s easily solved by catching up with a close friend, having regular happy hour or coffee dates, or going over to a friend’s house for dinner. It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to adopt one. Never forget about your village.

4. Stay away from triggers. When you’ve struggled to get pregnant, experienced loss or infertility, or are moving through your adoption process, it can be difficult to witness other families — social media makes this especially challenging. If things like social media, television shows, magazines, or films instigate sadness, depression, anxiety, or anything relative to unhappiness, give yourself permission to take a break. Clear your head, focus on you and your family. It if doesn’t make you feel good right now, there’s no need for it to be in your life.