August 01, 2018
Addressing Dangerous Adoption Stigmas
Adoption stigmas are abundant, and their harm is undeniable. They create shame and misunderstanding, and proliferate attitudes that have the potential to follow birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents throughout their lives. Let’s address a few, shall we?
Stigma: Open adoption is bad for the child.
Truth: This is false in every way. This history of adoption is drenched in shame, and that shame created a system of lies and falsehoods that were deeply damaging to everyone in the adoption triad. We have long since discovered that adoptions are healthiest when they are at their most honest, and that means raising a child with the full understand of who they are and what their background is, rather than dropping it on them when they’re older and completely disrupting their sense of identity — or even worse, never telling them at all. We’ve also changed our attitudes on the stigmatization of birth mothers, who were often treated horribly and forced to live in the shadows. Embracing their courageous choice, and love for their child, promotes honesty, transparency, awareness, and respect to all members of the adoption triad.
Stigma: Birth mothers don’t love the children they place for their adoption.
Truth: This could not be more untrue. It takes love and devotion to endure an entire pregnancy, and carry a child you know you will not parent, so that child can be brought into a family with the resources to give them the best life possible. It is a remarkable thing to do, and treating it with anything but respect is shameful.
Stigma: Adoption is what you do when you can’t get pregnant.
Truth: Not by a long shot. Adoption is an option if you are unable to conceive, but that is not the sole reason people adopt. Sometimes people only want to adopt, even if they are able to conceive biologically. Many build their families from a mix of biological and adopted children. Adoption may fall into your lap when you least expect it, or it could be something you meticulously plan and prepare for. There are zero rules when it comes to adoption, and that’s one of the reasons we love it so much!
Stigma: You have to be [insert stigma here] to adopt.
Truth: Anyone can adopt. You’ve seen it in the news, there are agencies that seek to discriminate based on the idea of religious freedom” but that is not law, and there are SO many agencies (including us, hello!) who proudly and happily welcome families of all shapes, sizes, ages, races, backgrounds, religions, and lifestyles. As long as you are able to provide a safe and happy home to a child in need, there is an agency for you.
