June 29, 2016

A Summer of Waiting

We read this piece recently on Adoptive Families and couldn’t have empathized more. In it, an adoptive mother-to-be shares how this was supposed to be her first summer as a mother. Instead, she’s not even sure she’ll her new new child before Labor Day.

“Although I miss my middle-school students, I have always enjoyed the quietness and relative solitude of summer. This year, however, I dreaded summer’s onset. The difference? According to our original adoption plans, we should have traveled to China by now and returned with our daughter — the little girl who my red-haired, blue-eyed husband Brian claims is going to look just like him. This was to have been my first summer as a mom. Instead, due to circumstances beyond our control, we’re waiting for the clearing of one final hurdle before starting the homestudy.”

This, while frustrating, is an incredibly common tale. Matches don’t pan out, expectations are forced to shift, what was once a confirmed date is no longer. The waiting feels endless.

But it’s not, and what’s most important is that you have a few ways to distract yourself in the meantime. Keeping busy, staying hopeful and positive, and focusing on your life and what you have right in front of you are key. If this is indeed your position this summer, here are some thoughts on ways to keep busy during the waiting period, and possibly even enjoy yourself, too ;).

— Start a garden! Or join a community garden, or volunteer at a local garden. There’s something beautifully satisfying about growing your own produce, and watching the seasons change through the glorious colors of spring, summer, and fall vegetables. Get creative and cook some new dishes with your fresh foodstuffs!

— Create a book club. Summer reading is unparalleled, so why not add a few friends, a couple bottles of wine, and a monthly gathering? A different member can host each month, and snacks can be themed around the book.

— Pick up a new hobby. Have you always wanted to learn how to knit? Or pottery? Or hand lettering? Flower arranging? This is the time to do it. Find a class, enroll, and delight in your new creative endeavor.

— Date night! What better time to focus on what you have in front of you? A partner, a best friend, the world’s most fabulous parents. Schedule regular date nights and outings with your loved ones this summer, and remind yourself of the incredible people with whom you share your life.

— Get out of town. Research shows that having something to look forward to is even more powerful than the actual event itself. That anticipatory energy does wonders (you understand — you’re waiting to bring your child home!) Schedule a few special weekend or day trips into your summer, planning them ahead so you have something to look forward to each month.

And most of all, be good to yourself and know that your sweet little one is its way. The waiting period is brutal, but the payoff is life-changing.