October 16, 2013

5 Things All Adoptees Should Know

The experience of adoption is an emotional one for adoptees, filled with ups, downs, highs, lows and a whole world of feelings we could never claim to fully understand. But adoptees are beautiful, brave people, and here are 5 things we think all adoptees should know.

1. No family is normal. Family is tough, right? And being adopted, there are probably times when you feel like your family is strange compared to the families of your peers. But we’re here to tell you that no family is normal, which is probably the most normal thing about families, to tell you the truth. Every family has its own oddities that make it different from other families, and being adopted is no exception. That is never something to feel ashamed of.

2. You have a voice. Many children are adopted, but not the majority. And whenever you’re in a minority position it can be difficult to feel like your voice is being heard. But you do have one. It’s powerful, and you should never be afraid to use it. Whether that’s sharing fears or questions with your parents, both birth and adoptive, or sharing your story with those who aren’t as familiar with adoption, you deserve to make yourself heard. What you have to say is worth it.

3. It’s okay to feel really crappy sometimes. Growing up is hard. There’s a reason most people say they’d never, for a million dollars, go back to high school. But the worst thing you can do to yourself is to squash any negative feelings you have and try to put them away. The only way to move forward out of sadness is to face what’s hurting you head on. To examine its cause, to try and figure out its root, and to create a plan for making yourself feel better. But with that, it’s okay to have bad days where you just don’t feel like being happy. Those are part of you too, just as much as the happy times. And you need those to have an emotional balance. Just make sure that they don’t last too long. And if things get really tough, just go back to #2 and use that voice of yours to talk to someone.

4. You’re not alone. Like with anyone whose life involves a sort of extraordinary circumstance, be it illness, a unique talent or a rare life situation, there are people out there who have been through what you’re going through and can be a resource for you. If you feel like you need more people in your life who understand what it’s like to be adopted, find a support group or online community. Or, start your own! You might be surprised by the people you connect with and how much those new relationships can enrich your life.

5. You are so loved. That’s just the truth. By your family, by your birth parents who wanted to give you a better life, by the agency who has committed their life’s work to creating families like yours…we know you hear it all the time, but you can never hear it enough. Because of you, people’s lives are better and their dreams came true. That’s some pretty amazing stuff.