January 16, 2014
10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Adopt
Adoption is a decision no one should take lightly. There is a great deal of financial and emotional weight involved, and no matter how your process goes, once you enter into world of adoption, your life will never be the same. Anyone who decides to proceed with an adoption is going to have their life examined and checked out from every possible angle — it’s hard not to have some introspective moments at some point during the process. But to stretch your mind even further, here are ten questions you should ask yourself before you adopt.
Am I truly ready to handle the commitment that comes with adoption?
Once you bring a child into your life through adoption, you cannot give take that back. That is your child forever, and it is your responsibility to nurture, love and support them to the best of your ability. Even if they have temper issues, learning disabilities or other unique challenges. Are you prepared to stay committed to the promises you’ve made to the birth family, child, and your own family?
Am I ready to handle the time it takes to adopt?
Adoption is not a quick process — even the fastest ones can take up to year, once you factor in finding the right agency, the home study, being matched, etc. To really go through with an adoption process it takes a great deal of time and patience, and that’s something you and your partner really need to be prepared for.
What kind of adoption do I want?
This is an important one. What happens if you find the birth mother of your dreams but she wants a completely different type of adoption than you? The type of adoption you choose cannot be changed (unless both parties agree) and if you’ve decided to take on an open adoption, you have to be prepared for what that means for you and your child for the rest of their life.
How will I keep adoption in our family dialogue?
Are you going to raise the child to know they are adopted? Are you going to raise them knowing their birth family, or other details about their life? You can never be too prepared for knowing how you want to handle these situations, and though it may all change at some point, it is something that you and your partner have to be on the same page about.
Am I ready to take on a child of another culture?
If not, that is okay. You do not have to. But if so, have you really thought about what that means, to raise a child from a culture you have not grown up in? How do you plan to bring your child’s culture into their life, and to make it a part of your own family’s?
Do you have the kind of support system you need?
Like when you go through any major life change, it’s imperative that you have a solid support group around to lean on, to help distract you from stressful times, and people you trust to really be open with during what will be a very vulnerable process.
Does race matter to you?
Being a transracial family comes with its own challenges — what are you truly comfortable with?
Do you want to adopt internationally or domestically?
Those adoption processes are very difficult and different requirements, so it’s good to measure the pros and cons of each and to decide which works best for your family, culturally and otherwise.
Do you only want a newborn, or are you open to an older child?
When it comes to age, the options are really endless. Children age out of foster care at 18, and many of them spend their entire childhood and teenage lives waiting for a family. Do you want a newborn, toddler, middle or high schooler? Siblings?
How are we going to pay for this?
Adoption does not come without costs, and you have no idea the extent you might be paying until you’re matched and you get potential birth mother expenses figured out. If you don’t have the funds readily available, it’s a good idea to come up with a financial game plan so you and your partner can be as prepared as possible.
