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Love and Logic Parenting

Have you struggled to find your parenting flow? Are you looking to create consistency without punishment overload? There are many positive and effective parenting strategies, but today we’re highlighting Love and Logic parenting, which is a style that puts the focus on removing parental emotion while also teaching valuable and responsible lessons to your child. It’s designed to help restore the fun to parenting. 

The overall theme of Love and Logic parenting is this: provide an open and consistent atmosphere filled with love, acceptance, and empathy while allowing natural consequences to teach lessons. Early intervention is key in developing cause-and-effect decision making. By the time your child reaches adult age, the idea is that they will have developed decision-making skills that are necessary for a productive adult life. 

This method of parenting advocates for the offering of age-appropriate (and parent-approved) options for children. It’s not about “playing in the street vs. the front yard,” but more about offering options to guide an autonomous decision-making process. As parents, this will teach you a lot about your child.

Here’s an example: your child is resisting studying for a test at school, saying they “don’t need” to study. Then testing day comes and your child receives a poor grade. This is where you, the parent, steps in with empathy and love, not negativity, and shows them it’s okay to mess up sometimes. This inadvertently guides your child towards, perhaps, better preparing for their next test. 

It’s important to use enforceable statements or options with your child. Rather than saying, “clean your room,” you could say, “I will happily drive you to the mall once your room is clean.” If your child refuses a non-enforceable statement, they gain control of the situation. This is why it is important to remove emotions and remain calm while offering reasonable and enforceable options. 

Love and Logic parenting isn’t for all families; some will learn that this style of parenting won’t work with all personalities or temperaments. Nobody is perfect and parenting is never one-size-fits-all—this approach isn’t meant to work instantly. It is designed to build a thoughtful and responsible decision-making process within your child. 

Photo via Getty images.

Have A Fabulous Weekend

The weekend is here and so are fall temperatures (at least in our neck of the woods)! Enjoy some relaxing downtime and some of our favorite reads of the week…

 

 

Pop on over to our blog. This week we talked about different ways you can help raise an independent child. 

The New York Times featured an interesting piece about family dinners around the world. 

Adoption is more universal than we thought! 

Keeping positive adoption language consistent in your home will boost the morale of your entire family. 

Des’rae and Fel are tired of being asked, “Who is the father?”

The New York Times offered this helpful primer for same-sex couples with some key legal basics for LGBTQ parents. 

What makes parenting an adopted child different from a biological child? 

Self-esteem and adoption work in tandem, and PACT thoughtfully lays out how they correlate. 

Considering Adoption reflects on four common challenges that adoptive children face. 

The National Center for Youth Law explains how extracurricular activities can help your adopted or foster child flourish. 

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Raising An Independent Child

Cultivating autonomy in a child is not an easy task. When you add adoption into the equation, it becomes more complicated. An adoptive parent is not just responsible for providing for a child, but also to provide guidance and support while someone navigates the complicated emotions that come with adoption. 

How do you provide love, support, and guidance while also attempting to foster autonomy and independence in your child? How should you encourage autonomy without making your child feel more confused or abandoned? There is no rule book to this process, however there are options and strategies that a parent can enable in order to encourage a thriving and independent child. 

  • Differentiate between your needs and your child’s needs. Relationships are a two-way street, but in this case you need to be a provider of love and support and not an avenue for stress. Remind yourself that if your child’s needs are fulfilled, yours will be, too. 
  • Provide a setting with open dialogue. Conversation is not always comfortable, but it is always important. Leave the door open for all conversations, and let your child express their emotions in a way that is beneficial to them. 
  • Avoid over-protecting or “hovering” over your child. Autonomy is a means of self-governing; something we are all entitled to. Understand that things may not always go the way you expected or dreamt.  Navigating this creates even more independence and acts as a tool to build positive decision making. 
  • Provide an atmosphere of unconditional love. Let your child understand that we are all human; it is okay to make mistakes, and to learn from them. Having an understanding of making mistakes and learning from them creates a great pathway to responsible choices. 

There is no right way to navigate the range of emotions that come with being adopted. By creating a positive and open environment in your home and community you are letting your child know that they are in a safe space. 

Image credit: canadianfamily.ca

Have A Lovely Weekend

Hello friends. We hope you’ve got a fun and exciting weekend planned ahead. We’re sending you love and good vibes as we move into the madness of fall. Be well, and take care of yourselves. 

And enjoy some of our favorite links from around the web this week…

This week on the blog we discussed how fulfilling older child adoption can be. 

Do you want to raise a reader? Here’s a simple tip: buy a book! 

We love this great gift guide for teens in 2019. 

Lori Holden of Lavender Luz opens up a whole new dimension in open adoption. 

Jackson County, Oregon is trying to change the status quo and re-home or reunite kids in the foster system. 

Adoption can be emotionally and financially exhausting. One couple got creative

Are you in the Florida area? Heartland for Children are working with several children in need of forever homes. 

Did you know there is an “Angels in Adoption” award? 

We love this list from Care.com about their favorite fall family activities. 

Remember to slow down. Building your familial relationships will yield great rewards. 

Enjoy your weekend, and loved ones. <3

Are You Considering Adopting An Older Child?

Adopting an older child is a life-affirming way to expand your family. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, at least 20,000 teens age out of the foster care system after not being adopted, or not rejoining their birth family. This means that at least 20,000 children and young adults never find their forever family. If you’re considering welcoming an older child into your home, there’s a great deal of information about the process. 

Older child adoptions are defined as such when the adoptees are elementary age to age 21. In many states, when an older child is being adopted they are actively a part of the process. While states have different laws and regulations, a few states allow adoptee consent as early as ten years old. In some cases, the process requires the consent of the adoptee. Being able to share in this memory with your child will be special (and rare!). It also, maybe for the first time ever, will give your child decision-making opportunities in their own lives. This can be extremely empowering. 

Children that are adopted and welcomed into a stable environment are more likely to blossom in an educational setting. Additionally, children that are over 13 when they are adopted have access to special education assistance programs. They vary by state—find the laws and regulations in yours. Additionally, you and your family could qualify for special services such as: mental health counseling, disability aid, health insurance, and more. 

All children, of every age, should be able to find stability and a family who loves and enables them to make positive decisions in their own life. We especially love this story, about a family who planned to adopt a baby, but then found that older adoption child was an incredible and powerful experience that was right for them. 

To learn about resources available to adoptees and their families, visit Adoption Star’s Adopt an Older Kid (A-OK) program. We also find a lot of value in this piece from Nightlight, which expels common myths about older child adoption, and potentially some of the fears you may have yourself. 

Image via fosteradoption.com

Have A Relaxing Weekend

Happy Weekend, friends! Do you have something lovely planned for yourself? We hope so. Perhaps it includes some of our favorite reads from around the web this week, a collection of inspiring and informative features all about the worlds of adoption, youth, and parenting. 

Take good care, and be well.

 

This week on the blog we discussed why birth parents can (and should!) find happiness and security in their decision to place. 

Des Moines, Iowa just invested $20 million into helping their homeless youth

Is Illinois ready to end juvenile incarceration to favor a different kind of rehabilitation? 

The Chronicle of Social Change believes that child welfare starts with the judge in the courtroom. 

Rep. Jack Lewis of Massachusetts has introduced legislation that would make it easier for stable siblings to adopt their younger siblings. 

The Wall Street Journal nails it: adopted children need permanent homes. 

The Hawthorn family now has enough kids to make a baseball team! 

Wanted: more (and better) foster parents. 

This foundation, created by an adopted child, pays it forward. 

We need to focus on encouraging positive media coverage of adoption and foster care. 

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Loving Yourself Through Adoption Placement

If you have recently placed your child for adoption, or are pregnant and considering adoption, know that this is a selfless and incredible decision to make. It’s an emotional journey, layered with ups and downs, and although it may be difficult at times, know that by staying open, honest, and true to yourself, you can make this experience a positive one. 

Today we’re sharing a few tips to help you build a supported, transparent, and clear-headed adoption process. 

 

  • Above all: be confident in yourself and your decision. There is not doubt that you will have conflicted moments, but trust yourself and surround yourself with individuals you trust as well, that you feel held, supported, and honored during this process. You may have to dig deep in this task, and all days will not be the same. It’s a huge decision, not to be taken lightly, and it requires a great deal of thought, and, in some cases, guidance. But if this is the option you choose, remember every day knowing that you have made a selfless, responsible, and love-filled decision to provide a better life for your child. 
  • Envelop yourself with positive relationships. There may be people in your life who disagree with your decision. That’s okay. It’s not theirs to make. Steep yourself in positive, kind, warm individuals who have your best interests at heart. This isn’t a journey you need to take alone. Embrace the opportunity to share this experience with people who want to lift you and your child up and only desire the best for you both.  
  • Remember to love yourself. An adoption journey can be lonely and emotional You have spent all your time and energy focusing on the future of your child, but remember that your future is important, too. Give yourself a chance to re-evaluate your life and make the decisions that are the best for you and your continued success. Never be afraid to show your emotions or admit vulnerability — this is a deeply vulnerable thing to do! And that’s okay. 

 

You know what’s best for you. You know what’s best for your child. Whichever decision you make is the right one, and you deserve to be honored for it.

Have A Wonderful Weekend

We hope you’re settling into Sunday with a nourishing day ahead. Enjoy these beautiful fall days, and some of our favorite reads from around the web this week.

This week on the blog we discussed open adoption and the realistic expectations you should have. 

The Burke family’s unconditional love is emotional and inspiring. 

This family shares how adopting a white baby into their black family taught them more lessons than they could imagine. 

More than twenty years ago, Ann traveled to Calcutta to volunteer in one of Mother Theresa’s orphanages. It changed her life. 

Momfilter gives us some helpful tips and tricks to boost your child over the “school jitters.” 

Lori Holden of Lavender Luz does a passionate deep dive into adoption. 

Grab the tissues – CBS News put together a photo album of children on their adoption day. 

Angela Barra has joined other adoptees in addressing hurtful language head on. 

This Tennessee family honored their adoptive child’s bravery and strength by donning superhero costumes. 

Adopted children need permanent homes, too

 

The Emotional Benefits of Open Adoption

Open adoption is the new norm. In fact, 95 percent of adoptions are now “open” in some form of the word, according to The Donaldson Adoption Institute

Open adoption means that birth parents and adoptive parents have some knowledge and information about one another. The birth parents know something about the adoptive parents and may even help choose them. Adoptive parents and their children know medical and genetic information about the birth family and other information that might help in dealing with the emotional issues that sometimes accompany adoption.

There is no true definition of open adoption. Open adoption can take many forms. In some cases, a birth mother may be given a book to look through containing photographs and descriptions of prospective adoptive parents and choose a couple or person she feels would give her baby a good home. It’s likely she may never meet the adoptive family. At the other extreme, a birth mother may meet the adoptive parents, visit their home, and have ongoing contact with the child throughout their life. 

An open adoption allows the birth family to maintain ties with the child. For birth parents who desire open adoption, it allows them to check in on how the child is doing, and can be a helpful way of affirming their decision to place their child for adoption. When your child’s birth family remains in their life in a positive and consistent way, it can be hugely impactful for the child, showing them that they are not unwanted but in fact very loved and cherished. 

Ultimately, there is no right way to navigate open adoption. How adoptive parents define “open” can vary from annual updates sent through an adoption agency to the development of close bonds, such as the birth and adoptive families celebrating birthdays and holidays together. There are so many ways to keep this channel open, but really all that matters is that is remains truly open. 

Open adoption has the power to enrich the lives of everyone involved, and means being open-hearted to the child’s emotional needs. Engaging in a positive relationship with your child’s birth family helps acknowledge those common feelings of pain and loss. An open adoption should mean that the adoptive and birth parents become the ultimate adults: always putting their child’s needs before anything else. By keeping these relationships open and honest, your mirror authentic communication to your child and give them the opportunity to speak their truth as well.  

Image via Adoptive Families.

Have A Wonderful Long Weekend

Happy Labor Day weekend! It’s the last long weekend of the summer, and we hope you’re enjoying it and basking in the sunshine. Take some time for yourself, time for your family, and get some vitamin D. We’ve put together our favorite stories from around the web this week, so please enjoy!

This week on our blog we explored birth father’s rights in the adoption process. 

The Hindu has debuted a podcast that explores the ins and outs of the adoption journey

Should adoption agencies be able to turn down a couple or individual based on their parenting style

Adoption is becoming a more common trend in the LGBTQ world. Here are some great tips for making it your reality. 

This girl was adopted and then got to travel for the first time. 

Love times six! We love this story of a mom adopting half a dozen sisters. 

Meet these parents who adopted four children in 24 hours. 

An intimate look at what it’s like for a parent with a disability to adopt a child. 

States are taking note. Adoption from foster care is absolutely necessary. 

Zeke finds a home

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