|
| March 2010 |
What's New With this being our 4th monthly newsletter, we are excited by the tremendous feedback and response we have been receiving from all our readers. Thank you. Our goal for 2010 was to create more avenues through active outreach methods to help families understand and learn about the adoption process. Our Facebook and Twitter pages have been outstanding channels for sharing adoption related news and articles. As we look ahead, hopefully by this time next month we will have added a blog page to our website to further share information and events that relate to our agency and the adoption industry. We encourage you to forward our newsletters to friends, family, and co-workers who are interested in the adoption process. Together we can help families grow through adoption. What to do if your adoption fails The adoption process is one that is incredibly emotional. It involves expectation and hope, and it is terribly devastating when that process is disrupted. Although more than half of adoptions are finalized successfully, sometimes, for any number of reasons, an adoption doesn’t go as planned. This is an incredibly painful experience for the adoptive parents, the birth family and the agency. Even though agencies work hard to ensure that every adoption match goes through, there is no exact measure of success - sometimes it’s just unavoidable. Although most birth parents genuinely do want to provide better lives for their children, sometimes when the baby is born emotions run high and the birth parents question their decision to place the child for adoption. You should be aware of your state’s regulations regarding when the birth mother can change her mind. Like all adoption law, it varies state by state, and it’s important that you know that information going into your adoption process. Also keep in mind that just because a birth mother changes her mind it doesn’t mean that her intentions haven’t been pure throughout the process. She has carried the child for nine months, and it’s not an instinctual choice to give up a baby – it is both a brave decision and an emotional one. Reputable agencies should have failed adoption protocol represented in their contracts. Talk to your agency about their process for disrupted adoptions, and see if they offer a refund if your adoption doesn’t go through. Your investment should be your agency’s top concern, and there should be some sort of compensation in the case of a disrupted adoption. Agencies understand the costs of adoption and the financial concerns that are raised if one fails. In the event of a failed adoption, allow your agency to act as counsel and to help you get back on track for restarting the adoption process. In the meantime, allow yourself to grieve. When an adoption fails, it can be very devastating for the adoptive parents. You’ve restructured your lives in the anticipation of expanding your family, and there’s no question about the emotional weight of an adoption that doesn’t go as planned. Frustration, anger and confusion are natural, and you and your partner are absolutely entitled to those emotions. Talk to your agency about how you can begin your process again, and utilize their counseling staff for additional support. Although they will never know exactly how you’re feeling, they have dealt with this situation before and possess the resources to aid you in whatever you need. Use your support system – a disrupted adoption is never something you need to go through alone. Ask Abby Question: If a birthfather is unknown, what prevents him from showing up later and overturning the adoption? Answer: All birth parent situations are different. Sometimes the birth mother may not know who the birth father is and other times she may know, but chooses to exclude that information for personal or safety reasons. No matter what the situation, unknown birth fathers are not uncommon, and that is why certain legal procedures and protocol have been put in place to prevent an individual from showing up in the middle of the adoption process, or even after the adoption has been finalized, to claim paternity and request parental rights.
There is also such thing as a birth father registry. Some states have these and some don’t, so it’s important to find out whether or not this exists in your state. The birth father registry is for potential birth fathers who believe that they could have impregnated a woman and would like to claim paternity. If this is the case, then they are responsible for registering their name on a central state registry. If your state does host a birth father registry then it is the responsibility of the attorney to check this and see if anyone has listed the birth mother’s name and indicated that they may be the father. Depending on the state’s procedures, after a certain amount of time has passed the birth father’s rights will be terminated. Again, ensure that your adoption lawyer is aware of as many known details as possible – they should do everything they can to inform a potential birthfather about the pregnancy prior to matching. It is important to take these precautions against details that could disrupt the adoption. Any agency or attorney who tells you “not to worry about it,” or that if “the birthfather hasn’t been around, it’s not a problem” doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Do you have a question for Abby or suggestion for a feature article? Please let us know at abby@onetruegift.com. Any comments or feedback is always appreciated. |
About Our Agency Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions is a full service, licensed adoption agency founded by adoptive parents. After our personal adoption experiences, we wanted to utilize what we had learned by creating an agency that strives to provide the most positive adoption process possible. Our staff is available to provide maximum support from beginning to end, as we work with adoptive families and birth parents nationwide. Having been through the process ourselves, our goal is to meet the needs of birth parents and adoptive parents alike, supporting the individuals involved from all aspects of the adoption process.
If you are interested in the adoption process we encourage you to contact us for more information. March Birthdays Happy birthday to all our March True Gifts!!!
Book Corner A collection of great readings related to adoption. Dear Birthmother : Thank You for Our Baby The Complete Adoption Book by Laura Beauvais-Godwin Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution Is Transforming America by Adam Pertman Birthmothers: Women Who Have Relinquished Babies for Adoption Tell Their Stories by Merry Jones Making Room in Our Hearts: Keeping Family Ties Through Open Adoption by Micky Duxbury Born in Our Hearts: Stories of Adoption by Filis Casey and Marisa Catalina Casey When Adoptions Go Wrong: Psychological And Legal Issues of Adoption Disruption by Lita Schwartz |
|
Failed adoptions do happen, and there are a variety of contributing factors as to why an adoption process may be disrupted. Families often want to find blame in a failed adoption and more times than not they want to point at the agency out of frustration, but the reality is, agencies want to work with you – they are invested in your adoption and want it to be as successful as you do. A reputable agency will do everything they can to ensure your adoption’s success, but sometimes, even with all of the right tools and preparations in place, it’s just not meant to be – this is the unfortunate risk of adoption. 
It is of the utmost importance that birth mothers are honest with their attorneys about the facts of their situation. The attorney is there to protect the birth mother’s legal rights, as well as those of the adoption, but they can only do this if they’re being given the correct information. If the birth father is unknown, the adoption attorney should issue a public notice, which will be published in the local newspaper of the city in which the birth mother conceived. This notice states that anyone who may have had a sexual relationship with the birth mother around the approximate date of conception has 30 days to step forward and claim their paternity. If no potential birth fathers have stepped forward within the 30 days, their parental rights will be terminated.
