February 13, 2017

Tech in the home + connecting with our children

We’ve written more than a few times about technology and families here, and that’s for good reason. Connection is hard these days. And with adoptive families, connection has the potential to be even more challenging — especially when our children are teenagers, traditionally their moodiest years. At this stage of life they’re in their heads (or their phones) a lot. It can be hard to discern what they’re thinking or feeling, whether or not they’re struggling. It’s also a time in their lives where they’re contemplating their identity, perhaps their adoption, how they fit into the world, and are likely feeling challenged by all three. It’s these moments that maintaining connection, conversation, and open lines of communication with our kids is more important than ever.

The New York Times wrote a great piece on five phone-free zones in the house for both parents and children alike. It’s simple, straightforward, thoughtful, and a stark reminder that we’re prone to multi-tasking on a level that’s often outrageous (one of the zones is “while reading a book.”)

It’s also a reminder of how little time we share with our children, especially as they grow older. There are only a precious few years in which they want to be by our sides at every minute. As any parent can tell you, that dwindles in a way that can be very challenging to interpret and experience. Assigning those few precious spaces as no-tech zones applies to us as well, not just our kids. We lead by example. They watch every move we make, and being unable to lift our eyes from our phones sends a distinct and clear message: there is something more important than you right now.

Part of getting everyone on board is creating a family media plan. You’re much more likely to get your teen to agree to something they likely don’t want to do if they at least feel like they have some agency in the decision-making. Make an evening out of it! Order in pizza, or cook your favorite dinner. Have everyone’s favorite drinks and snacks available and then set out to create a plan you can all agree on. Compromise is key here.   Healthychildren.org has a wonderful template for creating a plan that we highly recommend. Post it or make it available somewhere everyone can see it, and remember to lead by example.

Has your family created a media plan? How did you implement it and what has made it successful?